Another Crippled Sorcerer-King
Hi, it's me. Just checking in with what I have been up to.
So, I have accomplished almost literally nothing in the past week, whether that involves working on my PBBG project WOTAN or even merely playing a game. I have been watching my four year-old son alone this whole time, and he does make it literally impossible to get anything done.
He has a special talent for picking up on when I am trying to do something other than mindlessly reading reddit. Like right now: I don't know if he is psychic, but he was just happily keeping to himself and playing with his toys and now that I have started this post he is magically pulling at my leg demanding my full attention.
Elric, last king of the Dragon Isle
I have also chosen this past week to "dry out" as I believe the saying is. Of course by that I mean I have ceased my famously-prodigous reefer consumption for a while. It is a necessary thing every now and then, like taking a vacation. Sadly, I am also the opposite of the typical pot-head stereotype in at least one regard: I utterly lack motivation to do anything when "sober." I suppose that is why I have loved marijuana from the first time I tried it, to me it is like Ritalin and Prozac all rolled into one. Sadly, like those drugs, it also has its downfalls but I chose it because it least it isn't as dangerous (or potentially addictive) as them.
So my ennui is very high, and my motivation is very low even without the distraction of a young child. Fortunately, I have a solid roadmap for WOTAN and I will be getting a short break from parenthood tomorrow so I hope to finish the basic Item module. It is true, I have relied on MJ a bit too much to keep me going, so a pet project of mine is to attempt to motivate myself and stay focused without the use of this crutch.
Is it any wonder my favorite non-Tolkien fantasy character is Elric of Melniboné? Unfortunately for Elric, he proves he is utterly unable to sustain himself without his drugs or his famous sword. But I think I'll be able to manage. I'm just more of a dick and a bit less patient without my Stormbringer.
Now, I do not plan on quitting outright. I find "quitting" most habits to be an utterly asinine concept. I used to smoke cigarettes quite a lot, and now I almost never smoke them. However, I keep a pack in the cupboard and when the mood strikes I will have one. I find it much more beneficial to merely "stop" than to add all the self-defeating stress and pressure of the feckless absolutist concept of "quitting." I am also very much not a fan of 12-step programs; I find all they are really good for is teaching you how to be a submissive cretin, not give you the strength, willpower and discipline needed to actually face your chemical demons. People who are 12-step acolytes may be "sober," but at the cost of thousands of little deaths each day. If I ever needed a program for an addiction, I would hope it would teach me to take control of myself, not surrender it to an outside idealogy.
And then again, even when smoking two packs every day, I didn't identify myself as a "smoker." I merely was a person who happened to enjoy smoking. And I still do, though it is an activity (albeit a disgustingly smelly one) I engage in perhaps once a week at best, perhaps a half-dozen times every few months.
And so it will likely go with the MJ. Then again, cigarettes never produced the beneficial effects on my brain chemistry that MJ does, so the analogy doesn't exactly fit. And if I find I, like the doomed hero Elric, am absolutely unable to function without some sort of chemical intervention I will always choose MJ over what I consider to be (if not actual) dangerous prescription drugs. So I may choose not to "stop," either. If so, I wonder if I will find myself impaled upon a stalk of hemp after witnessing the birth of a new world which I helped create after destroying my world? Not to give away the ending to the Elric saga or anything. See I can be evil too! Mwuhahaha!
Anyway, my work has been set back a week, but so what? I have been having doubts I will make my August deadline anyway, despite its looseness (notice I have never made a specific date, such as August 1st or August 12th or the like?). But if my release of WOTAN ends up being in September, I won't be terribly upset with myself.
Coming back … again and again
Well, I've taken another couple month break from the old blog. In fact, I've taken a couple-month break from life.
I wish I could say I spent the bulk of January and February in a sensory deprivation tank a-la William Hurt in Altered States, but alas I'm much more boring than that. I spent a few weeks visiting Los Angeles and that was fun. I wasted a solid month-and-a-half being way too old to couch surf but fucking doing it anyway; I wanted to get in touch with my inner hippie.
I have also been having some familial issues, and now they are in the process of sorting themselves out. Of course I will not go into all the gory details here, but lets just say I could have a pretty good treatment for a TV drama if I cared to write it. Everybody is learning, growing, sharing and whatnot.
I do have no compunction relating my gaming experiences herein, as that is the purpose for which this blog exists. Sadly, those experiences are also rather dull.
Sucker for a sale
I spent more money than was prudent during the weeks-long gang bang that was the Steam Holiday Sale. However, I got loads of sweet games for hella cheap (to use the patois of my northwestern American home), mostly comprising games I already wanted but was too stingy to buy at full price.
The winners in the "waiting-for-a-sale-and-already-knew-I'd-like-it" category are Children of the Nile, Company of Heroes and Day of Defeat. I scored on these and I am thrilled about it. Sadly I haven't been able to play Children of the Nile as much as I want and no matter how hard I try I just suck (big-time) at Company of Heroes (though I still love it), but I went on a Day of Defeat bender for a couple weeks and loved every minute. Avalanche is my favorite map so far, though I have developed a bit of a Donner fetish.
The winners of the "impulse-buy-and-didn't-care-for-it" category are Zombie Shooter 2, Evil Genius and Killing Floor. I can't say I cared for any of these, and my reasons are various. I may still enjoy playing Evil Genius someday, but I couldn't get past the tutorial which made me want to punch things -- I believe I had issues with its rather glacial pace. I just can't get into Killing Floor for no particularly good reason (which could change in the future, however) and I outright dislike Zombie Shooter 2. If I would have spent more than $2.50 on ZS2 I would have felt completely cheated. While I don't really dislike Killing Floor or Evil Genius, if I had a second chance I probably would not bother to buy either.
Fly Safe, Capsuleer
The surprise hit of the sale was a brand new $5 EVE online account. I am happy and nerdy to say I have been glued tight to the Verge Vendor region of New Eden since around Christmas, learning the many vagaries of asteroid mining. While technically not a "new" account -- I activated a trial account I originally made in 2007 -- I have been enjoying EVE nearly every day for the past two months and feel as though I have finally "found" an MMORPG I can truly enjoy.
I put "found" in quotes, of course, because I have actually played EVE Online off-again-and-on-again since 2006; I find it a bit strange I only now have actually taken to the game. In my previous attempts to grok the game I always knew there was something about it that I like and enjoy, but I suppose until I tried being a full-time miner I didn't actually know what that something actually is. So right now that something is mining and mineral trading, which I am utterly cracking-out on. Dangling preposition FTW.
And now with the recent announcement of the SimCity-like aspects of the upcoming Tyrannis update, I will probably be hooked for at least another several months, if not longer. If you want to look me up in-game I'm Dank Fortuente and the asteroid belts of the Aidart solar system is currently my main stomping grounds.
The only other MMORPG I am dabbling in at all is Dungeons and Dragons Online, which continues to be a treat now that I can play sporadically without worrying over paying a regular subscription. I don't get to play terribly often but I have been working on a Drow Exploiter Ranger which I named Emmil Cioran. His bio reads only "ennui is the echo in us of time tearing itself apart;" perhaps "reality is a creation of our excesses" would be more a-propos to the venue, LOL.
Moving On
Well, it is nearly time for me to wrap up this post. So I will leave by saying that I am still here, still building cities and RPing like a nerdy dork, even still working on my PBBG, despite various hurdles and setbacks. I suppose I could go on for longer about my love affair with MySQL InnoDB and foreign keys, but I will bore you with that in another post. Until then blaze high -- you know I will.
Setbacks, Delays and Trying to Rise Up
Well, the inevitable has happened: I decided to push back my beta "launch" (snicker) for Project WOTAN to March, and quite possibly April or May, of next year.
I did virtually zero work on it in November as I was engaged in the cruder work of making money. Working 14-hour days out in the wilderness with bare access to electricity, let alone the Intertubes, is not conducive to making progress on an ambitious PBBG.
Even if I were able to make up the time this month, alas that is also not happening as I returned to find myself soon to be divorced, separated from my child and homeless leaving me scrambling to find a way just to stay alive. Again, not exactly an ideal situation for creating a browser game.
Rest assured, however, that unless my body washes up on a beach half-eaten I will continue to persevere in my effort and send Gungnir flying true. Of course, the inevitable mediocre anonymity the site will enjoy is not exactly a great incentive, but at least I will be able to say I finished it.
I have continued to develop my long-term idea for the project, and I am not sure if I will be able to make a MUD-for-the-web idea work; I'm not sure how well it would work even with more people (who know what they are doing) working with me. It is a dream, perhaps someday it will be a reality, but I do not believe so with this project.
Rather (long term), I am focusing on creating more of a combination of a single-player RPG and a social networking site. This was the original idea, I envisioned something maybe vaguely similar to Guild Portal. Rather than a guild organization and communication tool, though, it is a place to play and create text adventures as well as store the character(s) you use in the adventures and communicate and organize with others making and playing them.
To that effect, I am going to be setting up the main site for the project in the near future. I will need to get a VPS, and while at the lower levels they are not expensive, it is not exactly an expense I want jump right in and sign up for considering I am a very-soon-to-be homeless person. But running the game, especially how I envision it as a finished site, demand it. In fact, considering operating costs and my lack of a solid business plan, it's enough to make me hope for anonymous mediocrity.
I shouldn't underplay the business aspect of the game too much, but that is part of my extreme self-effacing nature. I actually have some really good ideas about how to make it pay for itself - none of them are original, but that also means I am picking from established practices.
Blogs I Read
- Brian Psychochild Green
- Combat Archaeology
- Elder Game
- Hardcore Casual
- Kill Ten Rats
- Killed In A Smiling Accident
- LOTRO Combo Blog
- Open Bracket
- OSG1 – Online Strategy Games
- Pumping Irony
- Ralph Koster
- Stylish Corpse
- The Core Mechanic
- Tish Tosh Tesh
- Troll in the Corner
Browser Games I Play
Fortuente Pages
Game Sites I Like
Recent Comments
- Jesus Ross on Torchlight Commence
- HaVoK142 on Fallout 3 xlive.dll crash SOLUTION
- Shout Outs « OSG: Best Place for Online Strategy Games on Interview with the Creator of Xemerys